Ghost Town (1988)

 

Perry Como’s Christmas in the Holy Land (1980)

    Well. This one’s pretty much a set of minefields. I think the most important line of the entire special is spoken at the very end after the credits have rolled: “We would like to thank the Israel Government Tourist Office for their help during the production of this program.” While I don’t doubt the sincerity of Como and the production staff in wanting to simply put on a Christmas program it’s clear that they bent over backwards in their efforts to please the Israeli government in order to get the access they were granted in this special.

Pretty straightforward.

    1980 was a fairly complicated year in Israeli politics, not that any of them have been particularly simple in quite some time. In July of that year the Knesset had passed what became known as The Jerusalem Law, an effective declaration of annexation of East Jerusalem. The law was apparently more symbolic than anything else but did draw worldwide condemnation and would eventually lead to the eventual moving of the US embassy to Jerusalem in 2018. I’m not going to pretend to be at all familiar with the complexities of these matters and in fact I wouldn’t bring any of this up at all if the special didn’t directly address the actions of Israeli settlers and feature quite a few scenes set on a kibbutz. It’s also noteworthy that while much is made of the Jewish heritage contained in Bethlehem and its surroundings and of course its historical significance to Christianity neither the terms ‘Palestinian’ nor ‘Muslim’ are spoken at any point.

    This is not a fun special. There are a couple moments of light banter but for the most part we have a very straightforward depiction of Bethlehem as the place where Jesus was born and are told the popular conception of his history as presented in every simple Sunday School class for decades as being simply true. The most basic story of the birth of Jesus, from the census to the manger to the Wise Men are all directly and flatly confirmed as historical facts. This is not a special in any way trying to do anything other than depict what the intended audience already believed.

    The special was broadcast on Saturday December 13^th, 1980, on ABC, directly after an episode of ‘The Love Boat’ and opposite a showing of ‘Dog Day Afternoon’ on NBC, which is quite a contrast. There are only two guests for the special, Richard Chamberlain at the height of his ‘Shogun’ fame and Israeli singer Ilanit, whom the special refers to as “Israel’s Ambassador of Song,” which is unsurprisingly a fake title but she was immensely popular in Israel at the time. It’s also just nice to pair Como with another professional singer. There are also various dance troupes and choirs that are used as buffers between the other scenes.

    We open with a series of dramatic shots of the Bethlehem and Jerusalem skylines which I was completely prepared to call as ripped off from ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ except for the fact that that movie came out in 1981. Como opens with a number called “The Holy City” which was immensely popular at the beginning of the 20^th century but has since faded into obscurity. After the introductory credits a glasses-wearing Como in full grandpa mode gives us an idea of the tone of the rest of the show by giving a straightforward classic telling of the story of Mary Magdalene and the empty tomb before launching into “I Wonder as I Wander,” which I’d always assumed was from a production of something but apparently has a quasi-folklore origin.

He just seems so tired.

    That showbiz connection is saved for the next part as Como meets up with Ilanit, they briefly pretend to care about archaeology and history, then duet on “Tradition” from ‘Fiddler on the Roof.’ I’m not going to criticize the special for that, how do you not? We then have a buffer dance number of some authenticity before finishing off with a reprise of ‘Tradition. There’s a shot of people wearing various examples of cultural garb including a guy with a full beard and a Santa hat striding down the Jerusalem street. It’s an attempt at some kind of diversity, I guess.

    Next we have a very sympathetic portrayal of Israeli settlers rather magically coaxing the desert to produce pine trees and other crops. I’m not expecting any kind of nuance in this portrayal and I certainly don’t get any. We then get a montage of buildings and places from the region again simply identified as places where stories from the New Testament for reals, no fooling took place, right there, we know it. Como then sings “Ave Maria” again which does make it seems little less special that he also sang it in the last special but, I mean, if you’re going to sing that song this would be the place to do it.

Not incongruous in the least.

    Richard Chamberlain arrives to walk Como around a 50:1 scale model of historical Jerusalem and while I’m sure it’s not a million miles off we again get traditional Bible stories mixed in with actual scholarship with no attempt to differentiate between the two. This is the part where I kept expecting Indiana Jones to wander in with the Staff of Ra. There’s another perfectly pleasant dance number then Ilanit is back to sing one of her actual pop hits, “Bashana Haba'a” from 1970. It’s a perfectly fine pop song from that decade. Como and Chamberlain wander in and they do a brief “Who’s on First?” riff on the Hebrew language, which sure, before Ilanit launches into the Yiddish song “Chiribim.” Going over this list I’m starting to think that Ilanit was more singing time than Como, which is fine as she’s a very talented singer, but it is a little odd.

Como's the singer on the left.

    The rest of the special is really just a slow crawl through the popular highlights of the New Testament. We have a brief scene at the Sea of Galilee to tell the “fishers of men” story, Chamberlain reads some scripture looking very dreamy in a shirt/sweater combo, Como interrupts to sing a version of The Lord’s Prayer, then we’re off to a kibbutz to pretend that Hanukkah is the Jewish Christmas. I can almost feel the settlers rolling their eyes from decades away.

I can see why he was cast in 'The Thorn Birds.'

    The last ten minutes is a condensed portrayal of the Biblical birth of Jesus: the census, the manger, the shepherds, the whole bit. Mary and a basically off-screen Joseph are barely inconvenienced by there being no room at the inn and I personally would have not hesitated to camp out in the manger depicted in these scenes. Mary gives birth during a scene transition and never so much as musses her hair. The shepherds and Wise men are very polite and stand in line and Como calmly narrates the entire thing in a voice you know belongs to someone to whom it’s never even occurred to question a single moment of this. Perry sings “Christ is Born” to close things out and leaves us with a simple “Merry Christmas from Bethlehem. Good night.”

Just really tired.

    I’m not sure what these specials have turned into at this point. When they were straightforward variety shows they were easy to understand, if hard to enjoy. The year before this the special was in New Mexico, the year after it would be in Quebec, so they’re all over the place. Presumably there was an audience for these still as they would continue on for a number of years taking up prime-time slots on network television. I suppose my grandmother would have enjoyed this, and by this point in his career that may have been enough. He was still releasing albums but they weren’t really charting and starting in 1982 almost all of his new albums and compilations would be Christmas themed. His persona seems to have fused with the holiday at this point, either by design or by public appetite.

    I’m only doing one more of these and I’m genuinely torn over which one. I can either do his final television special or the last concert performance before his death. Either one is likely to be rather maudlin. The grudging respect Como finally wrung out of me by being the best part of his specials is starting to fade in much the way he so obviously does as the years pass. I know he didn’t but I can’t help but think everyone would have been better served if he’d chosen to simply retire some years earlier and enjoy the retirement he had so clearly earned.